My goal for yesterday was met. I cleaned off a cabinet type thing that was cluttered with papers, pencils, cds, books, receipts, all kinds of things. I made it look neat. I felt a sense of accomplishment. It made me feel better. Just one little 2 square foot of space that now looks pretty again. That was the physical goal. The mental goal was to clean the same sized area of my psyche. It was easier than I thought it would be to be positive when I showed it off. I found myself almost say " I have felt horrible today, and I didn't get a thing done." OMG how damaging is that to my self??? Instead, in mid-sentence I said, aloud, to my husband, "Look what I did today! I cleared this off!" One point for getting rid of self-negativity, and another for making myself see what I was doing as I was doing it. No one would have noticed what I had accomplished, it would have felt like the same poor pitiful me, good for nothing, loser, time-waster, never get anything done, lazy, blah, blah, blah.... But I made a conscious decision NOT to be that person at that moment!!! Baby Steps. Seems almost too easy, but it made a huge difference.
I am getting back to being me again. How did you do today?
My goal for today has been met, also. I faced a fear. I actually went INTO the attic and organized a few bins up there, and then vacuumed the mess the roofers left last year. The fear part? Spiders, bugs, the freaky badly lit attic. I conquered it today!!!! I was having small panic attacks the whole time, but I did it! Now I have a clean open space to put some bins of things I am not ready to let go of into. OH! AND I met another goal for today of baby step de-cluttering. I had some very old computer towers that had been torn apart that I was keeping to make magnet boards out of stored up in the attic. They are all now sitting by the trash can. They are not exactly what I need for my project, and I am not going to settle for less than what I want. Yeay me! Another positive thing I found out about myself!
The mom part of me also had a goal met today! I actually had my older son help me to move things! I made him feel useful, important, and needed. Without yelling, cussing, screaming, cajoling, begging, pleading. I simply said to him " I need your help today with moving some fairly light bins. The job will go easier if we work together." And he didn't roll his eyes, flounce, sigh or anything! He just helped! Oh I hope I can keep that part of it all up!!!! I do not know what I would have done if he had rolled his eyes or given me attitude. I am just so thankful that it went smoothly!!!
Well, the rest of the day wasn't so smooth, but we are getting through it! My younger son was 100% attitude, unhelpful, etc... but we shoved through it, and around the 'tude. I am looking back to see what I could have done differently, or if I could have said things differently, and of course, I could have. It is ok, though. I did my best!
So THIS is why he had the attitude..... (pictures)
This is the area we call the Loft. It is the boys' playroom. It is also called the Disaster Area. Or it was... as with most things, when one thing changes, so do others. I am working on cleaning up my psyche, and part of that is starting to like the house we live in. As it is I hate it. Yes, hate is a very strong word, and yes, I feel that strongly about this house. I cannot stand it. So, I am making myself like it a bit better. We are going to be moving some rooms around. I am trying to find my place inside this house, as well as in this family, and in my self. When we first moved in, I had a room that I used as my office. It had a door that could be closed. But circumstances forced me to put the boys beds into that room, and I lost my place. I still had an area, but it was very open, in a high traffic area, and overall very uncomfortable for me. So now my husband has a space, the boys have 2 spaces, and I am in the front room. The plan is to move my husband's office/music room and my office both into the Loft. The boys' toys and video games will be relocated to the "Dungeon", aka my husband's current space. We will see how that works out. No plans for moving all that around until the first of the month or so.
With that said.... I DID get somethings accomplished in the Loft today. I am VERY excited about what has been done, since I can look at it, and say "I did something today!" Here are the after shots:
The PILE is EVERYTHING that was NOT in its correct place. I will work on that tomorrow night. My way to clean their mess is to make a huge pile. Surround myself with bins, sit on my butt, and go through the pile piece by piece. Legos in one bin, Transformers in one bin, Pokemon in another, Bakugan in another, and so on. Then once everything is once again in its proper bin, a lid goes on the bin and all but two go into the attic. The two that are left out are available to be played with. When the kids get bored with those, we are supposed to put them away, and pull out a new bin. As you may have guessed, we got away from that system. The attic door is right there in the loft, and the kids just go in and out, getting all they want. Yet another reason to move them downstairs... (heh heh heh) It really does work very well when it is kept up, and that is part of what I am working on with myself, too... consistency.
Well, it is that time again... I have to get the Younger to do his math homework. Please God give me Strength! I can do this without ripping his head off. I can do this without ripping his head off. I can do this!!!!!!
LOVE ya!!
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