Ok, so no nap... Instead my head has been spinning about people and their "quirks" and me and my own "quirks" and I just cannot take it anymore.

I KNOW I am not PERFECT. No person who lives on this earth is. I have my faults, shortcomings, issues, whatever you want to call them. And one of them is my problem with not truly understanding why people are the way they are. As for me, I *think* I am pretty straight forward. If you ask me a question, be prepared for an honest answer. I am tolerant to the extreme in a lot of aspects of life. I sin, a lot, but I have a good heart, and a good soul, and I try my best to help others when I possibly can and I believe in God and fate, and Karma, and all kinds of things. I believe I am doing the best I can.

But, help me, I simply cannot understand people to save my life. I have done a million good deeds in my life without ever expecting anything back. If there is ever someone who needed something and I didn't give, it is because I didn't have it to give, but would have if I could. A friend reminded me the other day that I was there to help their family when they needed it. I have not even thought about doing this for them in years, I had even forgotten that I did it. (We paid for them to have a home phone for like 2 or 3 years or something like that) We STILL pay for my parents to have phones, and have done so for about 7 years, and have not for a second considered it to be a burden, or a chore. It is just what it is. We do not expect anything back from it. I have helped people in the past who have lost their homes, babysat for friends for free, given strangers the jacket off my back so they could have some comfort, cleaned people's rat infested houses (and recruited a few other lovely, giving, caring, ladies to help). Sometimes those good deeds turn bad, and I feel horribly when they do, but I cannot stop trying to help others out.

Even having said all of this, please, do not think of me as a door mat. I am able to say NO when I need to. Most of the good deeds I have done, came from my heart, not from anyone asking me to help them. I volunteered to help. I accept that, and feel it is important for you to know. There have been many times when people have refused my help. I get that, the whole "don't want charity" pride bullshit. I don't really understand it, but I get that it is a good excuse for people to use. they do not want me have something over them. (Which I wouldn't do). They do not want me to lecture them about responsibility. (Which I won't do). So why won't they accept my help?

IDK.... I don't get it, and I probably never will... I just needed to get these thoughts out of my head so I can be rested for the remainder of my day, I suppose.

ILY